sometimes i feel like what i'm writing here is to report, instead of writing the life that happens within the moments...and sometimes my reality shifts so rapidly that i know i would be perpetually writing here in order to keep things current. yes, i know this is a 'blog' site and that many people write on this thing every day, but sorry~not happening...

what i'm saying is, i want to shift into writing more about the moments...which means i may write a story of something that happened two years ago or five minutes ago, and that i wouldn't be really updating here as to where i am...

ironically, as i share these thoughts with you, i have entitled this entry 'the two week realities,' with the intention of updating you about where i am...what's more funny is that i'm not even sure who reads this sometimes, which old friends are using this as a way to keep up with my shifts in reality and which would rather hear the adventures in the middle.

hm..perhaps if you have perspective on this you could post a comment here on it, or send me an email? in the meantime, i have a date in five minutes to read a stack of curious george books with elias and hope, so i should stop babbling and get writing.

e-he-he-hem.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

so, with the last entry i caught you up through thailand, which brings us to (i think) late january or something. for a while, i was living in six-week realities, leaving balmy thailand in late january to voluntarily subject myself to the tortures of a korean winter...

sometimes i really frighten myself with these choices.

actually, it wasn't quite so random to show up in korea in the winter. moon and hyeon su were getting married, and i was fulfilling a three-year old promise to hyeon su that when they eventually married, i would come to their wedding. so really it's their fault i had to brave a korean winter.

;)

luckily, katja had left a warm jacket with a friend there, and others had extra clothes , so i didn't lose any limbs to frostbite. beyond the wedding, i stayed to make a bit of money and spend some time with old friends. in six weeks i filled up on dwaeng jang chiggae, kimchi kimbap, and pine nut tea. i went with steven and mei to an island near incheon which i hadn't visited before (ijakdo-population 193), spending a long weekend filled with the kind of life-with-the-adjashis adventures that define the korean experience. i really wanted to go back to mu sang sa and sit kyeol che (silent zen meditation) with them (the monks of mu sang sa) for a month or more..i really wanted to travel in the south with hannah when we reunited..i really wanted to connect with korea in a non-city way...but it seemed not to be going that way. things weren't coming together, costs were higher than what i had to spend, and winter life was getting me down. so, what to do?

i left.

six week stint number one.

a train to the south and a ferry to the east, and a great big customs-official welcome with a stern, "this is japan!" hm. a bit surprised they didn't send me back to korea, but finally they let me in, and i began a five day, mutli-ferry journey to iriomote, a small island in the far south of the okinawa province, in the south-south of japan~almost to taiwan.

i was quite happy for this trip~having wanted to spend more time on boats. i enjoyed attempting yoga on the back deck (standing postures don't go so well on the boat, but the entertainment level for fellow passengers is far higher than practicing on land), and trying to walk around the fancy-dancy lobby one night with the waves rocking our boat like a dingy on the open sea was high entertainment. that night, i surrendered to the movement of the sea; i lulled myself to sleep in a meditation of her rhythms, of connecting to her as great older sister, as she rocked me as in the womb. i don't know when else i have slept so deeply...so serenely...

eventually, i arrived on iriomote, where i was met by a truck full of sugar cane workers, with davide's big smile shining out among the dirty faces and rumpled clothes of a hard days' work. we returned to the farm, where davide and i had a tent in the loft of the barn (one for the farm machinery), which we shared with fumi, a flute-bird (a karinism), and a couple of mice. each day we shared morning coffee before the guys loaded up and left for the fields, and i went for my practice before the shinto altar maintained by obasan, the great-aunt of the farm boss. afternoons i taught yoga at yoshi's shop, and in between i sewed and made jewerly.

the island was lovely, with morning glories trailing down the roads out to the fields, with long stretches of beach strewn with shells of great variety. obasan had a big garden for the farm workers in the back of the house, and each day i picked a basket of cherry tomatoes and greens, as well as carrots, turnips, and radishes. for a while we camped near the beach, with davide riding a simple, no-geared bicycle 7km to the farm each morning and evening. there i picked berries and made us a large palm frond mat for our camp, and shared laughter and coffee with the japanese travelers around us.

and soon, we left.

six week stint number two.

we took ferries to taiwan, with plans to get a china visa and take another ferry to china, then overland to dali for the rainbow, and then continue on by land into eastern europe, and down to bosnia for the european gathering in the summer. by autumn we thought to be in spain..

but, sometimes the white noise of politics invades the lives of the people. you can't get to china from taiwan. taiwan hates china. and, in fact, you can't take a passenger ferry anywhere from taiwan. you have to fly. so there we were, in the industrial city of kaoshuing, facing the decision of not if, but to where to take a flight...

from a budgetary persepctive, this wasn't great news.  when you plan for a boat trip at $100usd, and then are faced with a flight at a minimum of $500usd that doesn't even get you to the country to which you're headed, you have to make some calculations.  and our calculations left us in the mountains of china broke.

we decided we had to fly to the west, and we had four choices from kaoshuing:  aukland, nz; sydney, aust; san francisco, ca, usa; or vancouver, bc, canada.  we decided to think on it and come back in the morning. 

each had its benefits and drawbacks, espeically to a couple of butterflies.  i've never been to oz and nz, and davide hadn't been in half a lifetime.  but those are island nations.  which meant to visit my family in six or eight months, i'm looking at yet another flight, another big expense monetarily, and another big blow to pacha mama, for whom many of us are trying to tread a lot more lightly and take a lot less flights.  so, san franciso was the next logical choice, as i'm a us citizen and can more easily find work, which was going to be necessary upon landing, thanks to our impending airline tickets.  but davide's passport is one that requires a visa to enter the u.s. these days, thanks to tighter controls on europeans, and so that was also not an option, as there wasn't an embassy in sight in kaoshuing. 

two tickets to vancouver, please.

maybe we could find a farm and do some woofing...maybe we could find a rainbow connection...and nina came through with a connection on salt spring island, and so after a slice of pizza in east vancouver, we started on our way to salt spring island, to a rainbow brother's farm where we could stay a couple of days and look for somewhere longer term.  in the meantime, davide got talking (and as such entertaining) a woman at the bus stop.  he's convinced we won her over when he gave her the package of sugar from the iriomote sugar cane factory (he's very proud), but really i think his showdog performance was the clincher. and, he moves rocks.

either way, that night we weren't on salt spring island but galiano island, a 20-mile long spine overlooking vancouver and the mainland to the northwest and salt spring and the rest of the gulf islands to the southeast.  she gave us the servant's quarters (full apartment) downstairs of her house, and davide started moving rocks and earth around her land.  he first repaired and finished the greenhouse.  when dora came downstairs to see the work, she smiled and nodded, turned to me and said, "so, what are you going to grow in your greenhouse?"

my life on galiano was my plants and cooking.  davide built me beautiful boxes and shelves for the greenhouse and re-landscaped the side of the house to create for me a gardening workshop and outside garden beds.  i helped dora with her many plants and flower gardens as well, and read extensively about what was growing, reacquainting myself with the plants in this part of the world. 

it was still late winter on galiano, and i never got warm.  each day as davide moved rocks and trees and dirt, i bundled with layers of all the clothes i had, tended a woodstove fire, and cooked and baked and listened to public radio.  it was a nice time of remembering the winter kitchen in north america.  i baked apple pies and pumpkin breads, made butternut squash soups and vegetable stews with dumplings, and introduced davide to an american cuisine he didn't know about (that beyond hamburgers), and learned to quite enjoy. 

but for all the growing and building and cooking and loveliness, something was missing for me.  there was an emptiness that wasn't filling, an emptiness that was hurting me more each day.

what to do?

i left.

six week stint number three.

and now we move into the two week realities.

i returned to new hampshire, to my family.  i spent two weeks moving among anne's, carolyn's, and mom's, wondering what to do, where to go, how to find my elusive happiness that had somehow escaped me in recent weeks.  i went to kala's, in western massachusetts, and sought it there.  another two weeks.  then i returned to new hampshire to house- and puppy-sit while carolyn went on holiday.  another two weeks.  then i returned to kala's, with intention to try living there, even renting a room and bringing 'things' for a room.  and yet i knew the first day, as i sadly painted the walls of my little room, that this too wouldn't last.  and when i started thinking about about going, i knew i needed to change my reality.  i was talking to my sister anne on the phone about my sadness, and said, "but tomorrow i'm going to the rainbow (in quebec).  and in the rainbow, magick happens.  so, by the time i'm out of the rainbow, i'll know what i'm doing. 

let's pause a minute.

when i decided to go live at kala's, i wanted to experience some of the festivals of this region, and kala goes to many.  but, having landed here on borrowed money, i was in no position to make plans for festivals.  i came to a place where i decided, "if there is one thing i can do this summer, it's go to the quebec rainbow." 

manifest manifest manifest.

i learned of the quebec family in thailand, from two beautiful quebec sisters i met there, patchane and cindy.  at our daily morning chai at gael's, cindy talked with me often about the quebec family, and encouraged me to come to a gathering.  it's so close to where my family lives~montreal is just two hours north of my mother's~but i didn't expect to be with my family at the time of the gathering.  but, the universe conspired and i was here, and the draw was so great, the reasons so many...seeing cindy and patchane, seeing chad and maria, seeing patrick and others who were at the thai gathering...and then cindy told me brooke was coming...my ozzie sister i had thought of so many times and had not her email to see how and where she was...and then there was nina..one of my slovanian sisters with whom i spent time every day in thailand for the five weeks i was at the gathering.  we stayed in touch a lot, sharing our travels and troubles..and when each heard the other was thinking to go, each got more and more inspired, until nina finally left guatemala and headed north for quebec.

i arrived durin g main circle.  the first faces i saw, sitting right in front of me as i walked up, were nina and brooke.  we looked, we hugged, we laughed and laughed and hugged some more. 

by that night, it was clear i was returning to new hampshire to spend two and a half weeks with my family, then returning to montreal to reunite with nina, and heading west.  brooke is already there.   so is chad.  so is davide.  so is emily.  and maybe katja and mirko are coming as well.  and maybe we'll stay in b.c., and maybe we'll go to california, where half the thai gathering will be.  but in less than two weeks, i'll go again.   

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

and maybe soon, i'll start with that idea to write a story, just as it randomly enters my mind...

for now, though, i'm with my family, who more and more accept my life and my ways, who support me and expect nothing from me except that my plans will change.  i'd like to return to them for december, to share the holiday season with the kids, making gingerbread cookies and trimming trees and singing songs and taking a sleigh ride.  just before then i'll be in mexico at the rainbow, so i don't want to make any promises here (nh) yet, but i like the sound of it.  i haven't joined them for december holidays in many years, and it would be really special. 

who reads this anyway?  it would be nice to know who i'm talking to. some i know because we write otherwise, some i'm not sure, and some i may be surprised.  please, drop me a note in the comment thing here or an email and let me know...and while you're at it, could you tell me what you're up to?  i'd like to know.  ah~and i've posted some photos on my photo gallery, so have a look if you fancy...

okay, time to eat some of anne's blueberries...i'm really late for my curious george appointment, too...

love,

karin