big sigh... at least since canada, i've been longing for winter. a time to rest, rejuvenate, drop in...when i look back through my everything book that spans my time from new hampshire hitching up to montreal and across to british columbia, then back to new hampshire and then to hawaii, i see the lists and bits of hopes and plans and dreams, of what colors i wanted in my rainbow, from which sources i sought my inspiration for my coming sojourn into winter....

i wanted to sew. i wanted to make clothes. many. but, i don't want to buy new fabrics, as it seems so wasteful that it takes a lot of the fun out of it for me. and then guess what? here i am in hawi, i am given a circa wwII sewing machine that cha-chunks along pretty well, and a thrift shop that exists only in my dreams.

the st. augustine thrift shop opens wednesdays from 12-3pm. only. and every week, they have new and amazing finds from all of the transient mainlanders coming and going and not taking it with them. the most expensive thing i ever bought in this shop was a horribly decadent mumu for my sister (don't laugh~she'll actually wear it)(okay you can laugh but she's still gonna wear it). anyway, that designer mumu was $1.75. i have bought blankets, pillows, mumus, dresses for giant women (aka big bolts of fabric), funky shirts, flowing pants, and countless other finds for as much as 25 cents. my best finds are in the 10 cent pile. great stuff, probably there because although nice fabric, a bit too much of it. i consider it a community service to buy these things and cut them up, giving the world smaller doses of some really funny prints.

;)

so, that is perhaps not so interesting to most people, but the little thrift shop and all of the great things i found there, plus the fantastic clothes i made from them, will remain a fond memory of this little place at the end of the road in hawaii...in this long winter's nap, the weekly outing to the thrift shop was often the only time i left home. :) he he!

jewelry...i've had all of these strings and beads and whatnot that i've picked up along the way, and as the stockpile started to wind down, i found myself considering where to go with it, because again, i don't like buying new things that require new production in big factories and all the sufferings that go with that, especially to buy them only to put them together and sell them again! so, there i was, thinking that when the strings finished, that was the end of my macrame. and literally the final day, sitting at market making a necklace of the final bit of strings, no less than four people (that's a lot at the hawi market) commented on how much they love my work, how pretty are the knotting styles i use, etc. um...sign? i try to listen when these things come up.

and so, i sat with it a while, and found my peace..i went to hawi headquarters, the new head shop, and bought the thin hemp strings. my concession. it's newly produced, but it's not dumping chemicals into water supplies. and for beads and bits and pendants, i'm not buying new. i'm using what comes, from ground scores, from reusing, from gifting. it gives deeper meaning to my work...a week later, chris at hawi headquarters bought nine pieces from me to display (sell) in his shop. the end of my work with synthetic strings..

new beginnings...

ah! manna bread...i started sprouting and making bread this winter, cooking it in the oven in the house. and as thoughts began to turn to building a solar oven, jesus at cinderland showed me his solar oven..such a simple design! ha! even with my rudimentary woodworking skills-from all those forays in the woodshop in high school-were enough to construct this number. and so, days later, reusing materials found (the beveled glass top a fantastic 25 cent find at my trusty thrift shop), i constructed my solar oven.

and so, attending my sprouts is part of my daily routine, and every few days i concoct a new manna bread. the favorite so far is what my students call, "manna bread pizza," seasoned with oregano and thyme, blended with loads of raw garlic and nourished with ground flax and sesame seeds, and topped with slices of tomatoes...yes..sun-dried tomato manna bread pizza...divine.

................................

my daily practice begins with the sun's early rays flickering in through my home...i lay in bed and give myself reiki, then rise and move to my little sanctuary...a little patch of grass overlooking the miniature ponds of papayrus and frogs with the little temple behind me. i'm practicing a few different meditations, my reiki meditations and love energy for others, and then my asana practice...ever-grateful this is how i begin each day.

as winter became spring, i embarked on a cleansing journey...in it, i recognized old hurts and habits holding me back, and experienced healing work of sound, light, realignment, and touch reaching into those places of pain and blockage. letting go letting go...

................................

and now, spring moves into summer, and i move on to the next chapter of my story. in a week, i leave for london, to reunite with many friends i haven't seen in years. friends i've known and loved since korea, since india, since panama, since thailand...the land of my ancestors is welcoming me with such wide open arms i can barely contain my excitement. open arms and open doors await-homes, markets, friends, festivals, creation...

it's usually a simple transition for me when i change geographic realities, preparations and particulars, tying up loose ends and looking forward to new adventures...but with the knowing of the loves i'll hold again, this one has had me ecstatic for weeks! and as i've shared my plans with other butterflies, we find our paths uniting, plans joining...

...and there's always room for more, so if you're in the neighborhood and fancy a reunion... ;)

in the u.k. through july, then journeying south easterly for european rainbow in serbia, again reuniting with some wonderufl people in my life, and on to winter in spain... and finally the call for africa comes, and the signs are coming stronger...things happening, people coming, paths crossing....so maybe in a year, i'll find myself in africa.

but that's a long time away.

.......................................................................................

i feel good. rested. able to breathe deeply (except for the vog). ready. yesterday i bade farewell to my writing class students; in the coming days i'll give some last bits of love to the land here, work on some jewelry, join the full moon women's gathering, and perhaps celebrate the solstice alone in pololu valley... and then, fly, fly away...

~~~ bling! ~~~

also known as the big island...

so, i didn't go to vermont. i went to hawaii. and so for two and a half months now, here i've been.

the punaverse. also known as puna district, but the punaverse is so much more apropos. entering the punaverse with my backpack and friend was like entering a permanent rainbow gathering. puna is an enclave of forward thinkers, visionaries, artists, outlaws, fugitives, travelers, healers, and well, lunatics. it's fantastic. each is living in his or her own definition of paradise, from a bedroll in the jungle to nomadically living in a tent on various beaches; from creating home under a collection of tarps, corrugated metal shelters, simple cabins, yurts, and cottages, to community living on shared land with private self-sufficient spaces centered around a common shared space. fruit grows on trees, as you might imagine, and is there for the eatin. some unnamed pirates of the meditation are known to harvest the seemingly ornamental coconuts from the perfectly landscaped estates of vacation-home owners and redistributing them throughout the day from the back of the pickup..."wanna coconut?"

and each is on her own journey...some are here for the first time, some return year after year, some came and never left. many were here for a visit and have been here decades since, finding no reason to leave. a central focus of puna is sundays. it begins with ecstatic dance, which is an intentionally-created sacred dance space where each can go within, access his own challenges, and release them. in short, it's a silent space, a safe space, to get your freak on. some are dancing in solo space, some flit around and engage with others in a moment of shared dance space, some meditate, practice yoga, contact improv, etc. it's a space without judgement, expectation, or much in the way of rules except all are respecting the silence of the space~if you want to talk, you go outside. no talking in the dance. folks range from babes in arms to young children running amidst the freaks, to mamas carrying those babes in arms to grandmamas smiling and expressing themselves in complete freedom. for many, the dance is their church. it's a time to connect with the source by whatever definition, a place to come and experience yourself and others loved just as you are, and celebrated for trying on different personas as each explores who it is they feel to be inside. the dance closes with a circle for sharing..sharing your experiences in the dance, sharing your heartsong, sharing your expressions of self or needs to your community..looking for a place to stay, looking for work, looking for a ride, seeking and finding.

after the dance, community time spills out onto the red road, where russ is giving divine light transmissions at the point, stephanie and david are vending raw food decadence, and adrian is hacking open coconuts. and from there, if you're up for a bit of high energy, go down to kahena beach for the drum circle and splash in the (scary) waves, or if you feel for a chill out go to seaview park for potluck picnic and lounging together in the grass, where kirtans are sung, guitars are strummed, bodywork is rampant, and conversation is inspiring and creative.

ah...sundays in puna. love it.

here, a car isn't necessary. thank god, because man, do i love the hitch. it's common, it's easy, and it's fun. so many different kinds of people pick you up, you make connections, make friends, and experience other people's adventures. and, you can get from a to b without adding fossil fuels to the mix, as the cars are going that way anyway.

and now, i'm in hawi. it's a small place on the north kohala coast, on the northwestern tip of the big eye. i'm on a piece of land named artesia, where creative expression, self sufficiency, expressing visions, and living in harmony is celebrated, is what makes it special. each on this land has unique gifts, talents, and colors to shine, and it is here that i'm making my home.

i live under the christmas berry trees, protected from rain and wind, looking out over the pasture land of the neighboring cows, calves, and horses who come to visit me, in a giant tent (i call it the condo), under a cathedral of twisting, moss-covered branches, tucked away behind the lush vegetation, with little nooks in every corner calling out for a bit of love and companionship..."come sit here for a spell and enjoy my natural beauty!" ...here i celebrate my creativity with encouragement to share my talents in sewing, creating, painting, writing, healing, and being. we live in the company of fruit trees, vegetable beds, flowers blooming, and visionscapes of ocean view, pastureland, and intentional gardenscapes, a natural ampitheater for performance, and countless nooks of artistic expression and natural beauty from which to feed your own inspiration.

i'm newly attuned to karuna ki reiki, compassionate reiki, and slowly integrating this into my practice, experiencing such profound compassion through empathetically experiencing the pain and challenges of others...i'm sharing reiki with others~offering classes at health care and rehabilitation centers, offering treatments in the moment, making my own clothes and wares for sale at market, preparing to display my clothes and other crafts at an exhibition at the hawi artist's collective, and making manifest jim's creative vision of adding artistic expression to his remarkable land...("see the view from here, it's very nice, but this spot could use a bit of something...i'm envisioning some fabric with a few different colors blowing in the wind...play with it...see what you come up with..." jim shares...).

today i'm planting around my space, clearing out the nooks and preparing them for sharing my company as i write or read or create. probably see a couple of rainbows. you know, just another day in paradise.

:)

k~

sometimes i feel like what i'm writing here is to report, instead of writing the life that happens within the moments...and sometimes my reality shifts so rapidly that i know i would be perpetually writing here in order to keep things current. yes, i know this is a 'blog' site and that many people write on this thing every day, but sorry~not happening...

what i'm saying is, i want to shift into writing more about the moments...which means i may write a story of something that happened two years ago or five minutes ago, and that i wouldn't be really updating here as to where i am...

ironically, as i share these thoughts with you, i have entitled this entry 'the two week realities,' with the intention of updating you about where i am...what's more funny is that i'm not even sure who reads this sometimes, which old friends are using this as a way to keep up with my shifts in reality and which would rather hear the adventures in the middle.

hm..perhaps if you have perspective on this you could post a comment here on it, or send me an email? in the meantime, i have a date in five minutes to read a stack of curious george books with elias and hope, so i should stop babbling and get writing.

e-he-he-hem.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~

so, with the last entry i caught you up through thailand, which brings us to (i think) late january or something. for a while, i was living in six-week realities, leaving balmy thailand in late january to voluntarily subject myself to the tortures of a korean winter...

sometimes i really frighten myself with these choices.

actually, it wasn't quite so random to show up in korea in the winter. moon and hyeon su were getting married, and i was fulfilling a three-year old promise to hyeon su that when they eventually married, i would come to their wedding. so really it's their fault i had to brave a korean winter.

;)

luckily, katja had left a warm jacket with a friend there, and others had extra clothes , so i didn't lose any limbs to frostbite. beyond the wedding, i stayed to make a bit of money and spend some time with old friends. in six weeks i filled up on dwaeng jang chiggae, kimchi kimbap, and pine nut tea. i went with steven and mei to an island near incheon which i hadn't visited before (ijakdo-population 193), spending a long weekend filled with the kind of life-with-the-adjashis adventures that define the korean experience. i really wanted to go back to mu sang sa and sit kyeol che (silent zen meditation) with them (the monks of mu sang sa) for a month or more..i really wanted to travel in the south with hannah when we reunited..i really wanted to connect with korea in a non-city way...but it seemed not to be going that way. things weren't coming together, costs were higher than what i had to spend, and winter life was getting me down. so, what to do?

i left.

six week stint number one.

a train to the south and a ferry to the east, and a great big customs-official welcome with a stern, "this is japan!" hm. a bit surprised they didn't send me back to korea, but finally they let me in, and i began a five day, mutli-ferry journey to iriomote, a small island in the far south of the okinawa province, in the south-south of japan~almost to taiwan.

i was quite happy for this trip~having wanted to spend more time on boats. i enjoyed attempting yoga on the back deck (standing postures don't go so well on the boat, but the entertainment level for fellow passengers is far higher than practicing on land), and trying to walk around the fancy-dancy lobby one night with the waves rocking our boat like a dingy on the open sea was high entertainment. that night, i surrendered to the movement of the sea; i lulled myself to sleep in a meditation of her rhythms, of connecting to her as great older sister, as she rocked me as in the womb. i don't know when else i have slept so deeply...so serenely...

eventually, i arrived on iriomote, where i was met by a truck full of sugar cane workers, with davide's big smile shining out among the dirty faces and rumpled clothes of a hard days' work. we returned to the farm, where davide and i had a tent in the loft of the barn (one for the farm machinery), which we shared with fumi, a flute-bird (a karinism), and a couple of mice. each day we shared morning coffee before the guys loaded up and left for the fields, and i went for my practice before the shinto altar maintained by obasan, the great-aunt of the farm boss. afternoons i taught yoga at yoshi's shop, and in between i sewed and made jewerly.

the island was lovely, with morning glories trailing down the roads out to the fields, with long stretches of beach strewn with shells of great variety. obasan had a big garden for the farm workers in the back of the house, and each day i picked a basket of cherry tomatoes and greens, as well as carrots, turnips, and radishes. for a while we camped near the beach, with davide riding a simple, no-geared bicycle 7km to the farm each morning and evening. there i picked berries and made us a large palm frond mat for our camp, and shared laughter and coffee with the japanese travelers around us.

and soon, we left.

six week stint number two.

we took ferries to taiwan, with plans to get a china visa and take another ferry to china, then overland to dali for the rainbow, and then continue on by land into eastern europe, and down to bosnia for the european gathering in the summer. by autumn we thought to be in spain..

but, sometimes the white noise of politics invades the lives of the people. you can't get to china from taiwan. taiwan hates china. and, in fact, you can't take a passenger ferry anywhere from taiwan. you have to fly. so there we were, in the industrial city of kaoshuing, facing the decision of not if, but to where to take a flight...

from a budgetary persepctive, this wasn't great news.  when you plan for a boat trip at $100usd, and then are faced with a flight at a minimum of $500usd that doesn't even get you to the country to which you're headed, you have to make some calculations.  and our calculations left us in the mountains of china broke.

we decided we had to fly to the west, and we had four choices from kaoshuing:  aukland, nz; sydney, aust; san francisco, ca, usa; or vancouver, bc, canada.  we decided to think on it and come back in the morning. 

each had its benefits and drawbacks, espeically to a couple of butterflies.  i've never been to oz and nz, and davide hadn't been in half a lifetime.  but those are island nations.  which meant to visit my family in six or eight months, i'm looking at yet another flight, another big expense monetarily, and another big blow to pacha mama, for whom many of us are trying to tread a lot more lightly and take a lot less flights.  so, san franciso was the next logical choice, as i'm a us citizen and can more easily find work, which was going to be necessary upon landing, thanks to our impending airline tickets.  but davide's passport is one that requires a visa to enter the u.s. these days, thanks to tighter controls on europeans, and so that was also not an option, as there wasn't an embassy in sight in kaoshuing. 

two tickets to vancouver, please.

maybe we could find a farm and do some woofing...maybe we could find a rainbow connection...and nina came through with a connection on salt spring island, and so after a slice of pizza in east vancouver, we started on our way to salt spring island, to a rainbow brother's farm where we could stay a couple of days and look for somewhere longer term.  in the meantime, davide got talking (and as such entertaining) a woman at the bus stop.  he's convinced we won her over when he gave her the package of sugar from the iriomote sugar cane factory (he's very proud), but really i think his showdog performance was the clincher. and, he moves rocks.

either way, that night we weren't on salt spring island but galiano island, a 20-mile long spine overlooking vancouver and the mainland to the northwest and salt spring and the rest of the gulf islands to the southeast.  she gave us the servant's quarters (full apartment) downstairs of her house, and davide started moving rocks and earth around her land.  he first repaired and finished the greenhouse.  when dora came downstairs to see the work, she smiled and nodded, turned to me and said, "so, what are you going to grow in your greenhouse?"

my life on galiano was my plants and cooking.  davide built me beautiful boxes and shelves for the greenhouse and re-landscaped the side of the house to create for me a gardening workshop and outside garden beds.  i helped dora with her many plants and flower gardens as well, and read extensively about what was growing, reacquainting myself with the plants in this part of the world. 

it was still late winter on galiano, and i never got warm.  each day as davide moved rocks and trees and dirt, i bundled with layers of all the clothes i had, tended a woodstove fire, and cooked and baked and listened to public radio.  it was a nice time of remembering the winter kitchen in north america.  i baked apple pies and pumpkin breads, made butternut squash soups and vegetable stews with dumplings, and introduced davide to an american cuisine he didn't know about (that beyond hamburgers), and learned to quite enjoy. 

but for all the growing and building and cooking and loveliness, something was missing for me.  there was an emptiness that wasn't filling, an emptiness that was hurting me more each day.

what to do?

i left.

six week stint number three.

and now we move into the two week realities.

i returned to new hampshire, to my family.  i spent two weeks moving among anne's, carolyn's, and mom's, wondering what to do, where to go, how to find my elusive happiness that had somehow escaped me in recent weeks.  i went to kala's, in western massachusetts, and sought it there.  another two weeks.  then i returned to new hampshire to house- and puppy-sit while carolyn went on holiday.  another two weeks.  then i returned to kala's, with intention to try living there, even renting a room and bringing 'things' for a room.  and yet i knew the first day, as i sadly painted the walls of my little room, that this too wouldn't last.  and when i started thinking about about going, i knew i needed to change my reality.  i was talking to my sister anne on the phone about my sadness, and said, "but tomorrow i'm going to the rainbow (in quebec).  and in the rainbow, magick happens.  so, by the time i'm out of the rainbow, i'll know what i'm doing. 

let's pause a minute.

when i decided to go live at kala's, i wanted to experience some of the festivals of this region, and kala goes to many.  but, having landed here on borrowed money, i was in no position to make plans for festivals.  i came to a place where i decided, "if there is one thing i can do this summer, it's go to the quebec rainbow." 

manifest manifest manifest.

i learned of the quebec family in thailand, from two beautiful quebec sisters i met there, patchane and cindy.  at our daily morning chai at gael's, cindy talked with me often about the quebec family, and encouraged me to come to a gathering.  it's so close to where my family lives~montreal is just two hours north of my mother's~but i didn't expect to be with my family at the time of the gathering.  but, the universe conspired and i was here, and the draw was so great, the reasons so many...seeing cindy and patchane, seeing chad and maria, seeing patrick and others who were at the thai gathering...and then cindy told me brooke was coming...my ozzie sister i had thought of so many times and had not her email to see how and where she was...and then there was nina..one of my slovanian sisters with whom i spent time every day in thailand for the five weeks i was at the gathering.  we stayed in touch a lot, sharing our travels and troubles..and when each heard the other was thinking to go, each got more and more inspired, until nina finally left guatemala and headed north for quebec.

i arrived durin g main circle.  the first faces i saw, sitting right in front of me as i walked up, were nina and brooke.  we looked, we hugged, we laughed and laughed and hugged some more. 

by that night, it was clear i was returning to new hampshire to spend two and a half weeks with my family, then returning to montreal to reunite with nina, and heading west.  brooke is already there.   so is chad.  so is davide.  so is emily.  and maybe katja and mirko are coming as well.  and maybe we'll stay in b.c., and maybe we'll go to california, where half the thai gathering will be.  but in less than two weeks, i'll go again.   

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~

and maybe soon, i'll start with that idea to write a story, just as it randomly enters my mind...

for now, though, i'm with my family, who more and more accept my life and my ways, who support me and expect nothing from me except that my plans will change.  i'd like to return to them for december, to share the holiday season with the kids, making gingerbread cookies and trimming trees and singing songs and taking a sleigh ride.  just before then i'll be in mexico at the rainbow, so i don't want to make any promises here (nh) yet, but i like the sound of it.  i haven't joined them for december holidays in many years, and it would be really special. 

who reads this anyway?  it would be nice to know who i'm talking to. some i know because we write otherwise, some i'm not sure, and some i may be surprised.  please, drop me a note in the comment thing here or an email and let me know...and while you're at it, could you tell me what you're up to?  i'd like to know.  ah~and i've posted some photos on my photo gallery, so have a look if you fancy...

okay, time to eat some of anne's blueberries...i'm really late for my curious george appointment, too...

love,

karin

well, a bit of a crash landing, really, but with a sense of humor and love for adventure, it always seems to work out. just weeks before leaving, i asked the wise sage kala if she would pass me my level 3 reiki attunement. this she graciously did, along with the teachings over a three week period, and in the process we together passed about twelve attunements to others.

naturally, i met this with some detoxification, and this of course started the morning of my flight out of new hampshire. it was alright, unpleasant at high altitude but manageable with the sniffles and congestion, but remembering how asians do not approve of blowing your nose in public (remember that one too, ron!) then landing in bangkok a day and a half later, and spending several days quite ill~a fever and chills~i am now perhaps the only person alive to have shivered under a wool shawl in bangkok~and then when i was well enough, i traveled north to ayutthaya.

and there, heh heh heh...i started to see red spots on my skin, and thought it heat rash, until the next morning when it got worse. alarmed, i went to the hospital and was told i had hand-foot-mouth disease...a funny coincidence as the wonderful children from whom i had just departed had been exposed, their mother found out as i was sharing lunch and kisses with them, and in my sensitive state, well, they passed it to me. my mother was surprised as this is a disease of young children and young adults mainly, and i reminded her that i am a faerie and that's why i got it. forever young and old.

;)

anyway, by now i could scarcely walk from the swelling and burning pain on the bottoms of my feet, and the man at the guest house gave me soft slippers to wear in the house. i spent my first days in ayutthaya thus, padding about in my slippers and laying on the balcony with my feet elevated, and eventually they healed.

and then it was my night to catch a midnight train to bangkok to meet erin. i went to the moon cafe with si, my funny japanese companion, to goof about with our tribe of performing thais. a cocktail and spliff later, i was sideways and unable to walk. three expulsing trips to the loo, some grounding energy work and great effort, and some assistance from si, and i was at the train station...except as i arrived and asked for the train to bkk, she told me the next train was at 1:40...and i looked to see my train pulling away.

no matter. i was just going to sit in the train station in bangkok for the night. probably less chance of getting killed here.

and so, in the wee hours of my ride, the train pulled into a station. i looked up, and something compelled me to ask my seat companions the station name...and of course it was my station, and so i hurried to get all my things together and get off the train... but when i got to the door, the train was again in motion. and so, i jumped. yes, folks, i jumped from a moving train. i have no idea what compelled me to this stunt. i jumped from a moving train onto a platform of asphalt, and then remembered that i was wearing my full backpack, as it pummeled me into the ground.

once i assessed that nothing was broken, i managed to peel myself up from the platform, much like wile e. coyote might. and then i laughed. i laughed at my own stupidity, at my burning need to get off the train right then instead of getting off at the next station and taking a ten minute train back. i laughed out of surprise and fear that i was nuts enough to do that, when i well know that i don't jump and land it very well. i laughed as i shuffled across the platform, giving reiki to the pain on the side of my cracked head, and i laughed when i saw the places where my skin used to be. i laughed when i went to the loo and saw the blood running down from my eyebrow, and thought of the confusion this must evoke in the men about the train station. and so, the mosquitos ate at me while i wrapped myself in shawls and gave reiki to my head and arm, and for hours i sat this way, healing so quickly i could see it happening.

and in the train the day long with erin, together we watched the rapid healing. i love healing with light.

and now i get to add that one to my cap. i get to say i jumped from a moving train, and you get to say you know someone who jumped from a moving train! isn't this relationship great?

...........................................

and so, things have mellowed out a bit. now we're living outside of chiang mai, in a cabin along the huay kaew waterfall. owned but unused by a 76 year-old friend of erin's, it has been neglected these past 6 years and seems happy to receive our love and care. it is at the end of a lane in a small village, and the village folks are quite nice, always saying sawadeecaa and smiling as i pass. even the sawng thaew drivers now recognize me and only laugh and joke as they try to offer me rides to the temple or the city, like they do with the streams of tourists coming out of our neighbor, the chiang mai zoo.

our gate is at road level, and then we descend a steep staircase through the lush vegetation to our simple home. in front we have a porch, then a few steps down to a lovely veranda where we sleep many nights under the moonlight, listening to the rushing waters cascading down the river. in the mornings i rise and walk past here still, down the stone steps and out the gate to my little perch on the water's edge, where i maintain my morning practice. and as i reach up in salutation to the sun, i feel the canopy of trees tickling my fingers with the healing vibrations they send to me. i lay back for final svasana and breathe in their healing light. oh, so beautiful.

erin takes a bird bath in the river every morning, squealing with delight as the waters rush all around her, laughing and thanking the universe for this place we call home. i am far too spoiled for that, finding the water cold, and only get my feet wet. i'll leave the cold water to those who appreciate it.

and somehow we've managed to create a little social circle here in chiang mai! not two weeks ago, erin said she wanted to have a party for my birthday. i laughed and said, "who will we invite?" and not two weeks later, we had many friends join us in celebration. most of them we met because of the rainbow connection. vallaz and sandra i met in the rainbow yahoo group and they were here in chiang mai, and vince, bobby, and mei i met because they looked to me like they were going to rainbow when i saw them on the market, and i asked them as much. and now, our circle includes gil who has changed his flight home to israel to join the gathering; chaen, who is forsaking morning television for a moment in the nature around our home and to join us for the morning coconut ritual.

abundance creates abundance.

........................................

i return to the dentist on sunday for the second half of my root canal treatment. this isn't something i'd recommend, this root canal business. a bit freaky, really. i sent some reiki to the procedure, as you can when you practice distance reiki, and then at the office it began flowing when a woman came out of the office very upset and in pain, and i offered it to her, and she gladly accepted. within minutes she had calmed down, and soon i was able to stop. what a blessing for me as well, as it prepared the energy to flow through me for my procedure.

but then, sitting in the death chair, no pain from the needle, but so nervous, so wanting to run away, trying to control the breath and giving myself reiki, and then kala came in. i saw her before me, and saw her sending me healing, calming light. i calmed. i dropped in. soon i was able to take the bwaabwaabwaa vibrations of the tooth jackhammer out of my mouth and down into my chest and use the vibrations to expand my lungs and focus my intent on healing my lungs, clearing my lungs. i had noticed resistance in my morning pranayama practice, and was grateful to have this opportunity to work with that block. and so, my root canal became only a meditation, and i barely remember it.

just the same, the pain in the days after was incredible, and i was unable to chew anything for days, because to bring my teeth together on one side meant bringing them together on the injured side, and it sent sharp pains shooting through my head. the pain was so strong and i couldn't escape it. it wasn't sending a casual message to my head, it was pummeling my head.

really, i don't recommend it.

but, this too shall pass and it did, and now i can chew on the intact side, and sunday she'll finish the job. then i anticipate her telling me i'm out of the clutches of the dental establishment, and free to go frolick at rainbow. and so, i'm planning to leave here maybe tuesday or wednesday of next week, go by train to penang, malaysia to arrange a 60-day visa, and then go to rainbowland..

ahh...

so, that's my story. what's yours?

inspired by the yoga for peace event, kala and i created sacred space and held ritual, calling in healing powers of light and love and all who suffer from war and violence. 

we called, and they came.

for four hours, we held space.  kala sang beautifully the mantra of eternal peace and love, om mani padme hum, while i prostrated my body in 108 sun salutations.  in the space, i envisioned women with me, women living in the throngs of greif and despair, groveling through rubbled dirt roads of a wartime land to scrape together food for their children.  i felt them.  i saw them.  i had to change the way i raised my arms in salutation in order to keep from hitting people in the face with the upstretch of my passing arms.  instead, i reached out, widely to each side, and embraced us all.

...............................

in the first months here and riding my bicycle~a fantastic 3-speed competing with me for age, gifted me by my mother's dear friend carol, and adorned by me with a great basket on the back~i felt myself move through ghosts of my past, through unspoken tales and long-forgotten dreams.  they were everywhere.  then scotty died.  suddenly.  tragically.  i was thrust back into a family i once called my own, propelled by compassion and love to bring nourishing food to his grieving parents, to offer my respects to this family of which i was a part for four and a half years...about 15 or 20 years ago.  and in that space, amidst the budweisers and the legion post and the hunting camp and the reunions, i found myself making amends with the past, having conversations that were 15 and 20 years overdue.  sharing with people and learning from people our truths, our dreams, our souls.  our gift from scott.  somehow, i'm not surprised.

and now when i ride my bike, there are no ghosts, no chills, no dark and cool spots along the sunny road.  what remains is a clear ride, with familiar buildings and places singing with soft memories of another lifetime, of a childhood, of a community that lingers on.

...............................

soon i'll flutter off again, and say goodbye to some amazing people.  some are blood, and some are spirit.  all are family.  it's been an amazing journey home.  so transformative.

and from here, to thailand.  to detoxify, to cleanse, to purify, to renew.  and then, to carry on.

you know, if i did this more often, it wouldn't be such a daunting task to update you as to what i'm doing...but the thing is, when i'm in transition, i don't write.  i wait until it's sorted out somewhat. 

but this one...this one will surpise even the best of you.

okay, let's see...the last you knew, i was returning to h.o.m.e., in costa rica..  good.  that's where the story takes a turn............

i was walking to the waterfall with hanna one lovely afternoon, each talking about our plans after h.o.m.e., and mine was something like, "back to panama to find out about boats and get a boat across to england..want to teach yoga and give reiki treatments on the boat...time in england~ festivals, reiki, yoga, make & sell artesania, meet faeries and pigsies, eastern europe, then italia, thailand for world rainbow, india~study for reiki masters with usha, jaipur for stones & crystals, ashram time, go to korea for the spring, then the u.s. to see my family~~~~" ...it was then i realised that it meant another two years without seeing my family.  it meant that each of my neices and nephews, whose photos i carry and show to whomever will entertain me with looking at them, the children i talk about incessantly, would be two years older~that two more years' worth of growing and learning and memories would have again passed, whilst i was busy doing other things.  it would mean that my mom, newly retired, not getting any younger, would be two years older.  i groaned, and lamented my sentiments to hanna. 

hanna replied, "just go.  you miss them.  you want to be with them.  just go.  the rest will sort itself out."

i stopped in my steps.  i looked at hanna and said, "you're right.  i'm going home."  a sensation came over me, i can't describe it, but it grew and grew with each passing hour.  i went from bargaining with myself that i'd find a boat to take me up the coast of the americas so i could spend a week with them before finding another boat to take me to england to jumping on an airplane and flying to boston four days later.  and with that, returning to a place that most of you have probably never even heard me call "home," because i haven't thought of it as home in many, many years.

my family lives in new hampshire.  it's a small state on the east coast, north of boston.  "home" is in a small town in the white mountains of new hampshire~the woods that inspired the poems of robert frost.  my sisters and brother and their families are now in the small capital city, an hour south of here, but i accepted my mother's kind invitation, and, after seventeen years away, i am living again with my mom.

she gave me the basement of her home.  i've converted it in to my own little sanctuary.  i have a large area for sewing and craft projects, plenty of room for my morning practice~in front of the most beautiful sacred space i've ever created~with stones from the forest in a spiral & a lovely dish with my crystals charging in the center of the spiral,  moss from the forest in clay pots, pinecones from our trees, bits of wood from the faerie forest in costa rica, river wood, etc...my bed is covered with the large patchwork quilt i sewed myself twenty years ago...the floor is riddled with books and papers and all the things i do...

it hasn't been an easy transition, that's for sure.  i've had to learn to separate the novelties of a visit from the things that aren't part of my life anymore.  it's been a challenge for my family, too, especially my mom, since she has to live with me.  we've had to come to some understandings, like that i don't watch television and she does, and that i don't talk before my morning practice and she's already doing the crossword puzzle & listening to the news, and that my practice is essential to my everyday life, so i'm not trying to be rude when i disappear for two or three hours.  and i've had to find balance for myself with things like dishwashers versus dishwashing by hand, non-biodegradable cleaning products,  and the ghosts of a rural mountain town.  the first weeks were really tough, and i still seek balance about many things, but it's coming. 

in the first weeks, i hurt my back moving heavy things and the pain stayed with me for far too long..it disrupted my asana practice significantly, and then when i returned to it, i realised the tension i was holding, the unspoken emotions that i had locked into my muscles.  finally, i pushed back.  i began a raw foods cleanse, to flush the sugar, the dairy, the resentment, the anger, the judgement, the frustration, the bad habits, the old habits, the excuses.  i started feeling my asana practice returning to normal, feeling the lightness of being twinkle back into my body, a welcome and  familiar feeling.  i observed my habits, my weaknesses, and i'm getting honest with myself about the compromises, the solutions (okay, you want to eat the cookies, so let's get the ingredients and start making vegan cookies without the refined sugar). 

and i know now why i'm here.  i'm here to be with my family.  i'm here to focus on my role as an energy worker.  i'm here to reconnect with the spirits of the mountains that birthed and raised me.

and i'm working now~i'm working at a spa and health club, teaching yoga classes and giving reiki treatments and greeting folks at the front desk.  and i've reconnected with a couple people, and i've made new friends~fellow energy workers~who i hope to develop mutually-inspiring relationships with.  and i've got a kick-ass bicycle.  mom's friend gave me her bike that's been in her garage since i was getting arrested for underage drinking.  the thing's probably older than i am, and it's in great condition.  i have to get the gears fixed, and i should find myself a witchy-poo basket for it. how apropos, eh?

and hopi, the infamous little neice you all must think sometimes is your own neice you've heard about her so much, likes to do yoga with me, and mom and anne and others in the family are asking for lessons.  and i'm sending lots of distance reiki (want some?) and although i am the family freak, they are more curious and more open, and anne and mom are really being quite understanding and supportive.  and the gap gets smaller to bridge, as anne reads and learns and implements more natural choices into her life, and mom asks questions and tries healthier choices.

and there are some symbolic new beginnings, like when i showed up with mad dreadlocks zinging out all over my head, and, because i had told my sister in an email about everyone getting lice at the panama rainbow gathering, as a motherly-precautionary measure she took one more look (although hanna and i were certain we got all the little buggers), and lo!  a fresh batch...and after a lifetime of sisterly envy of my hair, she finally got to fulfill her (somewhat perverse) fantasy, and lopped off all of my hair.  for the first time since i'm ten years old, i don't have long hair anymore.  gone.  now i have little curls and ringlets that dangle about as low as my chin at the longest, and zing out from the various places on my head, depending on how close each dreadlock had napped to my head.  it's a bit of maintenance, this hair business, but i'm getting used to it.  just have to get it wet, really, to get the bedhead under control, and the curls make up for the rest.  and another symbolic mention...my latest body oil...i was of course using coconut oil when i arrived because i was coming from the tropics, and arriving in the cold of a new hampshire march, coconut oil didn't match up to the dry heat of indoor heating.  and so, i chose walnut oil.  and then i learned that walnuts are about new beginnings. 

so here i am.  enjoying the maple sugar that flows from the trees all around me, the blueberries and apples that grow in abundance in this beautiful land; planting a fantastic garden for my mother and me, for my mother who is enjoying her first spring of retirement, and enjoying watching her new herb and flower garden take form; making great friends with ebony, the black siamese cat of my mom's who scares (and injures) everybody (including mom), but for some reason she and i are great friends, sleep cuddled together, practice reiki together, etc.; and watching the forest come alive...the bear that comes in the yard, the ducks that are nesting by our small brook, the magickal trail in the forest just down the road, the glorious mountains that give this area its name...how wonderful it will be to walk these trails again.

the new year fluttered in, and i fluttered on.

my journey was blessed from the start to be resplendent with natural beauty, as it began in semuc champy, guatemala. 
..........................
i walked along the well-worn path and came upon an enchanting pool of soft-green water.  the water gently trickled in from the endless lacework of dribbles and burbles and streams rich with bright green vegetation.  i swam to the first spot that caught my eye, and squealed in delight to find the water thermal-spring warm and the small, bright plants strong and firm.  soon, it rained, and in again i jumped, laughing and swimming in this enchanting pool while soft, warm rain blurred my view; its spatters crashed noisily into the faerie pool all around me.

walking along the trail above this first masterpiece of pacha mama, i admired elfin trees amid dark green waters, the colorful spiders dangling patiently in their grand webs amid the trees, and a waterscape of soft-green pools fed by gentle cascades of only eight or ten centimeters in height, fully bursting with green life in all directions.  eventually, i reached the trails' end, and the cautious guide allowed me to cross the fenced area and see the river that had until then evaded my view...the white foaming waters raged with deafening force.  it rumbled down the deep green valley, and plunged...the river plunged 300 meters beneath the surface of the earth.  i sat in awe at the gaping blackness before me, feeling the pull of its force into the black abyss.  the land above the hole dripped and hung with soggy vegetation, suspended precariously by the rockbed carved out from the raging waters.  the streams of water danced and scattered and created intricate designs all about; some trickled around the lush land, joining the roaring river as it plunged beneath the surface, and some curved away, curling and weaving thier individual patterns through and around the vegetation until the land halted briefly, and the waters getnly cascaded down eight or ten centimeters to a soft-green pool.  and below the pool, the waters dispersed again in fanicful rivulets, curving and swaying, joining and parting with one another until another small cascade joined them all again.  a land bridge, it was, and continued in this fashion for perhaps a kilometer or two, until the roaring river reemerged, as a gentle, placid riverbed. it was as if the festival above didn´t exist.

there are a handful of places upon this earth that have captured my heart, my spirit, my imagination, my admiration for the earth mother and her incredible, artistic abilities.  semuc champy joins those special places.

and thus began my journey through the natural wonders of central america.  although the journey through was very rapid-at times shocking me that i was crossing yet another political border, each night i sat along the shores of the sea, a river, or a lake, listening to the lulls, crashes, or rhythms of the waters, gazing at the starry skies, keeping time with the cycle of the moon.  each morning i bathed in pacha mama's artistic glory; her earthly scents, sounds, sights, and sensations...my morning practice, a morning bath, local fruit.

in honduras i spent the nights in anticipation of the rising moon, her warm, orange glow reflecting off the river's surface, her brightness illuminating the sihlouette of great tree behind me...in nicaragua i laughed in delight when i realised the waves were coming from three directions-a phenomenon caused by a hurricaine-created hole in the sea floor offshore...in costa rica i played endlessly in the soft, gentle tide that rose only knee-deep and moved my body about like a water nymph...in panama, i rested lazily in the wooden canoe that drifted slowly down the placid river from coclesito to cocle del norte, the only means of reaching this simple seaside village on the carribbean shores of panama.  i gazed with a familiar longing at the simple homes we passed along the way, yearning for when i can live in this way, sustainably, in union with the rhythms of the earth.

an hour walk along the beach, and i was home with my rainbow family.  creating home-space with kiara, the machete-wielding jungle goddess; speaking spanish with my panamanian brothers, whose patience and persistence-speaking slowly and clearly, repeating words or finding new ones until i understood-helped me realise that finally my spanish is better than my korean; spontaneous, powerful heartsongs with hannah; arroz, yucca, and frijoles for two weeks; persistent skin infections and flesh-eating parasites; rain rain rain rain rain; tarantulas on our tents; storms that washed away our beach and bridges; bountiful days of coconut juice dribbling down my face, coconut meat in my mouth and on my skin, coconut oil on my skin and in our dinner; healing injuries with fire-warmed noni leaves and local clay; witnessing the transformations of brothers and sisters who have just learned the ways of the rainbow family, of the peaceful way of life, and sharing in their joy; re-unions with sarah/guatemala, celia/mexico, caroline/greece, new-unions with hannah, kiara, toby, elsa, swami, and the rest; and so, so much more....

a fond farewell to family,  and back to costa rica and to punta mona, a community dedicated to raising awareness and teaching practical skills to anyone interested in living more in harmony with pacha mama.  and there i was reacquainted with tenasi, a beautiful brother and one of the pillars of stability, vison, and strength of the heaven on mother earth (h.o.m.e.)  community, a rainbow-inspired sustainable community on 300 acres of rolling, lush hillsides, waterfalls, farmland, and simple, community homes in western costa rica, and and home of the art of union manifesto (aum), the primary healing aspect of the community, offering retreats in healthy healing...this a community i stayed with for a week before the journey to panama and had ideas to return...and in those days at punta mona, i realised it was to h.o.m.e. i must return...to help tenasi plant all of the fantastic sprigs he collected from punta mona, to help plant the seeds shared with him by sylvio, and to bring love, healing, and goddess energy to the cave community of h.o.m.e....yes, a cave...a few, actually, large, fantastic caves atop one of the largest waterfalls in central america where tenasi is leading the work and the vision of creating healing space with gardens, kitchen, meditation space, and more.  hannah and toby are with me, and kiara will reunite with us in a month´s time.  please learn more about the place where i will be for the foreseeable future: www.artofunion.com is for tenasi´s work primarily, and if you´re on tribe.net, look at the tribe for h.o.m.e.

so yes...back to costa rica to spend the next months eating fresh fruit, deepening my morning practice and healing practices, creating, learning, growing, and being. 

if you ask the universe for what you truly want to manifest in your life, the universe responds. 

i send my love and blessings to each of you, each and every day.

in love and light,
karin

okay, you should know by now that i am an authority on good chocolate and suuculent desserts...as such, you must trust me that this cake recipe will change your world.  rock your world.  change your life.  you must make this cake.

**i apologise to everyone who doesn't use the same measurement system as the u.s....i don't know how to convert these things, so bear with me...

JENNA'S CHOCOLATE CAKE

Sift together in a medium-sized bowl:

    3 cups unbleached flour

    2 cups turbinado sugar (it's better for you)

    2/3 cup cocoa powder (unsweetened)

    2 teaspoons (small ones) baking soda

    1 teaspoon salt

In a separate, large bowl mix:

    1 cup canola oil

    2 cups cold water

    2 teaspoons vanilla extract (pure)

Add the dry mixture to the wet mixture in the large bowl and mix thoroughly.  Then add:

    4 tablespoons (the big ones) apple cider vinegar

Mix well and pour into greased/oiled baking pan.  Bake at 350 Farenheit for 30-40 mintues, or until it springs back to the touch.

if you must, ice it or sprinkle it with powered sugar, but i love it just like this... 

eat this, and you will be forever grateful that i am in your life...

...i met up with nate, a young guy from maine who was heading west~driving and moving across the country for the first time.  he picked me up in new york, at a farm house where sarah had kindly let me stay for ten days awaiting nate's arrival.  bidding farewell to the cats and chickens and gardens of sarah's, we embarked on our ride westward..we took back roads, stopping at farm stands when we were hungry, sinking our teeth into corn so sweet and fresh it covered my face with sweet corn sugar.  25 cents if you buy it from the farmer.  we rolled through small towns, sampling coffee~nate's big withdrawal from home was tha lack of a decent cup of coffee for several states~and enjoyed the local flavors..

i've done this trip a few times before, but not in many years, and never this much fun.  the changing of the landscape was measured by the terrain in which i peed~from new york farmlands to midwest prairies to rolling hills, and then onto the sage and other desert plants you squat over with care..the tall grasses of the ohio-region were my top pick.

in colorado my ride changed from nate to dave, but the pace was similar, except that dave takes loads of photos, so progress was slower, and elevation was higher, so camping got colder.  we stopped in many mountain and desert towns and along open stretches of road between boulder and burning man, and i met some great people.  we picked up yael at the reno airport and rode on to burning man~a festival in nevada.  not my festival, so i won't waste time talking about it.

we said good bye to yael in reno, and rosa, josh, and i carried on to san francisco..many funny tales in our days in the bay area, from jacuzzi-side spliffs at jc's to the nebulous womb of brian's lair..from rosa's misfortune when she backed over a new motorcycle to the polystyrine crow on josh's shoulder and days on hippie hill acting as catalyst for young americans looking to change things up..these friends from around the world, meeting here in the land of my origin..deepening our relations, solidifying our friendships...i'll be heading to josh's stomping ground for farming season.

onwards to earthdance, which is my kind of festival.  it happens simultaneously in 150 locations around the world.  the reason is the same:  world peace.  michael franti, zap mama, kirtan chanting, a trance dome, organic, delicious food, amazing, loving people and amazing, heart-warming connections, and a ride to boulder with a dynamic pair of sisters~aylah and alona, who paint any rainbow they come upon.  one rainbow we painted was in ely, nevada, a great little town on the lonesome highway through nevada, highway 50.  we visited my new friend jackson, a kindred spirit born and raised in ely, who sings the same heartsong as me.  we all had a night of karaoke, margaritas, laughter, and great conversation~aylah, alona, billy, jackson's dad, the forest service, and a smattering of other ely locals....

now i'm in boulder, visiting, experiencing, reorganising the way i think about this place i once called home.  my home base here is jenna's.  jenna and mike, farrah is three, ryder is 2 months, and kush the dog..in their house at 8200 feet, overlooking the valley, surrounded by aspens fluttering in the autumn wind.  they are family to me, i've known it since jenna and i met four years ago.  she is my sister.  i'm visiting ashley for a couple of days, and last night's laughter reminded me of this great friend who began as my roommate...i will also spend time with judy, of course, who i admire so much in this world of colorful, interesting people, and leland, the kindest heart around..and others~if i can reach them!!  looking for phone numbers, trying to make connections, trying to visit before i move on...which is just a few weeks away, and may get hastened if this cold weather keeps up!  we had ice at jenna's the other night, and woke to a dusting of snow yesterday...

mexico, here i come.

i've learned alot in this time in the u.s., in this journey home, and much of it i won't recognise until i've had time to sit back and reflect...i came here with intentions, things i wanted to learn, wanted to untangle, wanted to understand.  this visit has provided me that, with amazing memories, unmatchable connections, unexpected experiences, laughter, tears, abundance, hardships, love, frustrations, and chocolate chip cookies wherever i go.

what more is there?